


The Silence

by loosenoodlepoodledoodle



Series: Adoration of LOONA [7]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:48:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24423052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosenoodlepoodledoodle/pseuds/loosenoodlepoodledoodle
Summary: HaSeul's been away so long...Will the others even remember her when she returns? If she returns...
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Im Yeojin/Jo Haseul, Jo Haseul/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jo Haseul/Viian Wong | ViVi
Series: Adoration of LOONA [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672402
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	The Silence

What is it like, to be so loved by myriad strangers; and yet, to be utterly unable to reciprocate said love? What is it like to be so afraid of the one thing that you used to love doing?

And, what if the tables were turned on you?

Jo HaSeul went about her day as per usual, oblivious to the crawl of time made ever more excruciating by the coronavirus. At last the moment came when she was cleared to rejoin her bandmates, except…was she really ready? She felt better than she _had_ been feeling, but would it be enough?

She left her parents’ home and made her way back into the city. The first sign that something was amiss was that she was expected to return via public transportation. No car or van awaited her outside her front door. Perhaps, though, this was part of her therapy, a final test of her phobia.

Over the long commute, the second sign became apparent. No one was answering her texts. She tried calling, too, but the calls were ignored. It wasn’t like they were being rejected; it was more as if her friends couldn’t or wouldn’t pay attention to her attempts at contact.

The third sign came when she finally arrived at BlockBerry Creative. Her keycard no longer worked, and it took several minutes of embarrassed knocking to attract the attention of the receptionist. HaSeul didn’t recognize her, but neither did the receptionist recognize HaSeul.

“I don’t understand. I’m Jo HaSeul. I’m the leader of LOONA. Why don’t you know about me?”

A quick research via the receptionist’s phone satisfied her enough to let her in. She gave HaSeul a new, temporary key, and HaSeul went sullenly upstairs to the dorm.

It took her quite some time to locate her things left behind. Even her bed had been disassembled and placed into storage. Lonely, uncomfortable, and despairing, Jo HaSeul crashed on the couch waiting for the others to come back.

Where were they, anyway? It’s not like they were close to releasing new music. Were they? Surely they would have waited for her, to include her in the album. So where else could they be? They weren’t in the practice room, preparing a new dance cover. She’d passed it on the way up here. That left the only plausible possibility to be shooting a TV show.

Suddenly she felt glad not to be involved.

Feeling her eyelids growing heavy, even though it was not yet lunch time, HaSeul curled up and fell asleep.

***

A whole host of eyes was watching her when she opened her own. She nearly died of fright.

“Oh jeez, you guys scared me! Um, hi everyone…”

The others gave her a quizzical look, or otherwise stared blankly.

“Is…is there something wrong?”

Heejin stirred. “You’re back.”

HaSeul shrugged self-consciously. “Yes. Er…is there a problem?”

“It’s been a year. I honestly didn’t think we’d ever see you again.”

Now HaSeul was hurt. She sat upright.

“What do you mean? Didn’t they give you updates about me?”

“No,” said Kim Lip. “At least, I don’t know when they stopped. Nothing changed, so they forgot about it. And we forgot about you.”

For a time, HaSeul was at a loss for words. Then her voice returned.

“How—how can you say such things? After everything we’ve been through together?”

“People move on,” said Yves. HaSeul turned her head to face her.

“Everything’s different, now.”

***

They filed out of the living room, leaving HaSeul alone with Vivi and Yeojin. They were the only ones that she could see were at all happy to see her, although the happiness was obscured by anguish.

“I missed you so much,” said Vivi, sitting down beside her.

“Yeah, I missed you, too.”

“No, I don’t think you get it,” explained Vivi. “It, like, _hurt,_ to be away from you for so long. Why didn’t you visit more often?”

“I don’t know…they changed my therapy. I had a lot more activities to do, and somehow the time just slipped by. When was the last time you saw me?”

“It’s been months, 언니,” said Yeojin.

HaSeul looked at her standing there, and Vivi sitting beside her, and then she looked down at her knees.

“I’m sorry…”

Vivi threw her arms around her. “It’s okay, girl.”

She felt the crush of Yeojin’s embrace. “It’ll be fine. You can bunk with us tonight.”

HaSeul slid her arms around their waists, trying to hug them both, but could do neither of them very well. They let go of her, and as she got to her feet, there was a new surprise.

“Oh, you’re taller!”

Yeojin giggled. “Yeah, now we’re equals. But you’ve gained some weight, too, huh?” She smacked HaSeul on the ass and giggled some more. When Vivi looked at her, scandalized, Yeojin stuck her tongue out.

“I’m glad some things haven’t changed,” said HaSeul.

***

Later that evening, they led her to their room, and HaSeul was surprised to see Chuu there, already changed into her pajamas. She sat on the edge of her bed, navel-gazing. Vivi answered HaSeul’s querying look.

“We had to shuffle room assignments a couple months ago. She’s with us now.”

The three of them changed together, and washed up for bed. By the time they were done, Chuu had lain down under the covers, though she did not appear ready for sleep, and indeed had switched from staring downwards to upwards in her gloom.

“Goodnight, Jiwoo,” said HaSeul.

Chuu hardly reacted. “Goodnight,” she stated flatly.

Vivi beckoned HaSeul over to her bed. Yeojin objected.

“Aww, I want her to sleep with me!” she whispered.

“C’mon, we can all fit in my bed together,” hissed Vivi. Thus did HaSeul find herself sandwiched marvelously between the two of them, a far better fate than she could have hoped for earlier that day.

“I love you, 언니,” whispered Yeojin sweetly. She kissed both HaSeul and Vivi on the mouth. HaSeul for her part was quite surprised by this, and even more so when she heard Chuu sit up. She looked over at her, and gasped at the expression on Chuu’s face.

Anger? Hatred? Jealousy?

“I’ll give you your privacy,” muttered Chuu, and she left the room.

“What was that about?” asked HaSeul, a moment later.

***

“We don’t really know what happened,” explained Vivi. “But it seems like Yves must have dumped Chuu. If we ask her, she just growls at us, saying, _‘It’s none of your business.’_ Yves herself acts like nothing happened at all, which is what’s so suspicious. She’ll ignore you if you ask, then she’ll stare daggers if you persist. But since no one else knows what it was, it can’t have anything to do with anyone else from within the group.”

“ _I_ heard that Chuu walked in on Yves cheating on her,” said Yeojin.

“Oh? And where’d you hear that?” scoffed Vivi.

“From a friend of a friend.”

“Sounds totally reliable,” said HaSeul, and Yeojin laughed. HaSeul grew more serious.

“How dangerous is this for the group?”

Vivi hedged. “So far, they’ve been consummate professionals. But long term, who knows?”

“I’m sure it’ll be alright,” said Yeojin.

HaSeul thought about this. “Have you heard anything about our next comeback?”

The two of them were so taken aback, they had to sit up.

“Gosh, you really have been out of the loop!” said Yeojin.

“We’re shooting the music video tomorrow. Today we finished the jacket photography,” explained Vivi.

“I think you’ll really like it. The concept is like, kind of a natural progression from ‘So What.’”

“And they finally gave us bigger parts!” Vivi smiled. “I was so happy when we blocked the scenes the other day, and when we were recording the song.”

“Yeah! And they finally let me wear something sexy—언니? _언니!”_

“HaSeul? Are you okay?”

But all HaSeul could feel was her breath in her throat and her heart in her chest.

“They, they…they couldn’t _wait_ for me?”

***

HaSeul accompanied them to the video filming the next day, though she found herself of little use. Whereas the concept last comeback had been girl crush, this time it seemed more than anything to be vaguely goth-inspired. Only from the visuals, however; musically the song still felt like LOONA’s signature style, however that might be defined. Nearly everyone’s hair color was black, and the few exceptions were white blonde and silvery gray. The latter happened to be Vivi’s color.

“I like how it contrasts with everyone else,” she told HaSeul. “It helps to make me stand out.”

“I like your outfit.” Vivi was wearing (obviously) all black, a long-sleeved shirt and skirt. The shirt had lace-like patterns cut out at the neck and forearms.

“Some of the scenes will be in black and white,” said Vivi. “It’ll look more striking there, but they didn’t want to give us full white faces.”

“It reminds me of Chaewon’s debut.” HaSeul looked over at the others. Their outfits were more similar to each other than different, and it was Heejin and Yves who were sporting the lighter hair. Then she noticed Chuu sitting apart from everyone else, but before she could broach the subject Yeojin approached and HaSeul had to do a double take.

“Admit it, you like it,” teased Yeojin.

“You’re not wrong there,” replied HaSeul.

Yeojin’s top was tight, sleeveless, low-cut, and exposed her bare midriff. Her shorts were more conservative, which when paired with her leggings balanced the overall look quite nicely. She giggled and blushed as HaSeul’s eyes lingered.

“Er, sorry,” stammered HaSeul, caught in the act. She turned away, only to be bothered by Vivi’s sad expression.

***

“Chuu keeps stealing glances at Yves,” said HaSeul under her breath.

They were on their lunch break, and sat in a corner by themselves. Chuu occupied a seat in the middle of the big room, barely eating her meal. Yves, across the way, acted very convincingly that her ex did not exist.

“I don’t know what to do about it,” said Vivi.

“She looks so sad,” added Yeojin.

_Only one thing for it,_ thought HaSeul. She waved Chuu over.

“Come sit with us, Jiwoo.”

There were only three chairs in their corner, so Chuu unceremoniously plopped herself onto HaSeul’s lap. It was uncomfortable for them both. She made no effort to give HaSeul enough space to finish eating.

“Um, Jiwoo,” said Yeojin, “don’t you think you should—”

“What? She’s got plenty of time today. She can eat while we’re working.”

They all stared as Chuu hurriedly ate. When she was done, she set her trash aside on the floor and leaned back into HaSeul, who turned the other cheek.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to self-isolate like this. To push others away.”

“Wouldn’t you know all about that,” said Chuu, mockingly. Suddenly, she turned her head and pecked HaSeul right on the lips. HaSeul felt her face burning, and it was even worse when she realized Chuu had only done it because Yves happened to be facing them at that moment. Even all the way over there, Yves’ eye-roll was clearly visible.

She turned around and walked away.

“Did that go the way you planned?” asked HaSeul.

Chuu started to get up, but HaSeul held her back, nearly spilling her food in the process.

“Let go of me.”

“No. You can’t use me as a prop and expect me not to get mad.”

Chuu stopped struggling, only to snatch HaSeul’s lunch out of her hand and stuff her own face with it. Yeojin and Vivi were floored by this behavior.

“Are you nuts?” asked Yeojin.

“Why are you taking it out on her?” objected Vivi.

Chuu’s glare was acid.

“If she’s gonna hold me back, she’s gotta pay the price.”

“Jiwoo,” said HaSeul, “maybe you should make a clean break from Sooyoung.”

Chuu tossed her (HaSeul’s) lunch trash on the floor. “A clean break? Like the one you should’ve done instead of coming back here, knowing nothing about anything?”

She made to get up again, and HaSeul nearly let her go. But some ember smoldered within her, and with her hands free she pulled Chuu forcefully back, locking her legs around her ankles.

“Let me _go,”_ snarled Chuu, but then she stopped, going limp. It took HaSeul a second to notice why.

Neither she nor Chuu had ever before seen such looks of wrath upon Yeojin and Vivi’s faces.

“Jiwoo,” HaSeul began, after taking a moment to calm down, “how could I possibly leave those that I love? Seeing all of you again is the only thing that kept me going. And here you act like there’s only one other person in the group, that no other person might love you.”

Chuu seemed frozen in place on HaSeul’s lap, and the hard faces of the other two softened just a little. HaSeul shifted her grip into more of a hug. “It can’t have been easy spending the night alone on the sofa, or wherever you ended up. You didn’t stay up brooding, did you? You didn’t watch and listen at her door?”

Chuu shuddered slightly in HaSeul’s arms, slowly turning her head to face her. The truth was in her tears, the way she grimaced. Words came unbidden into HaSeul’s mind, and she couldn’t remember if she’d read them in a book or heard them on television: “ _But who knows what she spoke to the darkness alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”_

“Don’t push us away, Jiwoo. Share our room tonight. Share—share your bed with me, tonight.”

Chuu turned around further, enough so that she could have hugged HaSeul back if she wanted to.

“Fine. I don’t know what you’re playing at, sweetheart, but I’m sure you’ll be disappointed.”

She finally got up, and walked to the dressing room. It was time to get ready to film the second half of the music video, and Yeojin and Vivi left too, leaving HaSeul as witness to the looks of confusion on their faces.

***

The second half was more colorful than the first, but not vibrantly so. They finished rather late, so supper was a hurried rush, then they were all cramming themselves into the vans, and off they went. HaSeul found herself waiting by Chuu’s bed. The staff had forgotten about her again, leaving her old bed still disassembled in storage, but this time it was to her advantage as it left her without an excuse to back out.

“You ready, sweetheart?” said Chuu as she arrived. She pulled back the covers, slid in, and grabbed HaSeul. The other two stood by and stared.

“Maybe we can all fit,” suggested Yeojin.

“It’ll be too warm,” said HaSeul.

“We can all take off our clothes,” taunted Chuu. “Isn’t that what you want?”

HaSeul blushed. “I just want to snuggle.”

Chuu tutted, and Yeojin turned out the lights and crawled into bed with Vivi. After about a minute of stillness, HaSeul felt Chuu’s arms swiftly wrap around her, holding her tight.

“Jiwoo…”

“I’m sorry,” Chuu whispered. “Oh my God, you were right. This feels so good.”

HaSeul tried to respond in kind. She gently ran her fingers through Chuu’s hair.

“I’m glad I can help you to feel…happier.”

She felt Chuu shaking her head. “But you’re not. This is just…what are you really willing to do?”

HaSeul stopped moving her hand. “What do you mean?”

“You want me to make a clean break from Sooyoung, but I can’t do that on my own. So are you willing to take her place in my life? Be my real sweetheart?”

Chuu sensed HaSeul’s hesitation.

“Oh, I see. You were always on the fence about such things.”

“I haven’t said no,” pointed out HaSeul. Chuu laughed quietly.

“I guess that’s a pretty big step to take, especially with an audience.” She said, a little more loudly, “You two asleep over there?”

“Yes,” said Yeojin, after skipping a beat. Chuu had to laugh again.

“You know, I thought you were just going to try what Yeojin did.” (HaSeul heard Yeojin shift around in Vivi’s bed.) “She wanted to fuck me into forgetting about Sooyoung. It wouldn’t have worked, but now I kind of wish I hadn’t said so.”

“I’m still down,” said Yeojin. Chuu laughed a third time.

“Better take off your clothes, then.”

“You guys, it’s not a good idea to stay up all night fornicating,” whimpered Vivi.

“You sure?” said Chuu. “You’ve been so uptight lately, you’re probably the one who needs laid the most around here.” And Chuu began to make some provocative sounds indeed.

“Shush! You’re gonna wake everyone!” hissed Vivi.

But it was too late. As Chuu giggled at Vivi’s apparent prudery, HaSeul heard a set of footsteps swiftly approaching their bedroom door. It swung open just as Vivi was turning on the lamp on her end table.

They gasped. It was Yves. She had a sort of pinched look on her face.

“What do _you_ want?” growled Chuu. Yves said nothing, and simply walked toward her. Reflexively, HaSeul wrapped her arms around Chuu’s middle before she could disgrace herself, but it was of no use. Yves stood right next to the bed, and Chuu spread her legs for her without being told.

Then Yves reached her hand down the front of Chuu’s pajamas, and every sound Chuu made after that was real.

HaSeul had to endure the whole thing, with Chuu on top of her. Each moan, each sigh, each shudder of Chuu’s body as she was wracked by an orgasm. Finally, only when HaSeul felt some hot, slick fluid suddenly spreading over her thigh, did Yves stop. Chuu gasped for breath, reaching out to Yves. But Yves wiped her hand on the bedsheets, turned around, and walked out the door. The entire time she said not one word.

“Gosh,” said Yeojin, still sitting stunned in Vivi’s bed, “somehow that reminded me of Gus from _Breaking Bad,_ when he slit that guy’s throat and didn’t say _anything.”_

“Damn it,” said Chuu, “she keeps doing this to me, and I keep falling for it. Why?”

“Well, at least I’m not on the fence anymore,” said HaSeul. Chuu rolled over to face her.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep yet, anyway,” she admitted. She ran her finger over her lips.

“How do you feel about oral sex?”

HaSeul blushed. “Right now? Very positively.”

Chuu ultimately decided to treat Vivi and Yeojin, as well.

***

The next day, the others in the group noticed the casual intimacy between HaSeul, Chuu, Yeojin, and Vivi, and took it as a cue that it was alright to treat her normally. Within a week, HaSeul felt like a member of LOONA again. The company even let her record a couple of B-sides for her trouble. But as HaSeul would observe, Chuu could never quit Yves, not completely. She was always ready for her when Yves entered the bedroom in a fucking mood.

**Author's Note:**

> That quote that enters HaSeul's mind unbidden is from The Lord Of The Rings. Gandalf says it in the book, but Wormtongue says it in The Two Towers movie. When I was thinking of the angsty feels for this story (and specifically that scene) that quote came unbidden to MY mind. Thus, I had to include it.
> 
> Oh, and I guess I should say what prompted me to write this. Apart from that one Instagram photo when LOONA finally won on M! Countdown, we haven't seen or heard much about HaSeul at all. So this is just me exorcising my irrational fears for her via writing, while at the same time engaging in fantasy.


End file.
